I forgot the difference between locusts and cicadas. I keep hearing this insanely loud cheering outside, the kind that goes up then down, and it even comes through my microphone. So if you spontaneously decided that you want to pay for my wonderful voice right now, tough luck. It might work out if you set your series in the summer.

As of writing this, the Navy is wasting our tax-payers dollars (I’m not really old enough to whinge about that yet) teaching sea lions how to play video games. I block pretty much every single ad that I see on Twitter, but that one amused me. Who are you to assume that I don’t want my tax money spent on recreational sea lion activity? Truly, I wish I was the sea lion. Part of the reason seals are my favorite animal is because they seem to spend most of their days rolling around, making noises and smacking themselves. It’s cute when they do it but disruptive and childish when I do.

Every post I write slowly becomes more and more pointless than the last. I peaked at that post about Steve Albini because it was varied but still emotional with a hot take here and there and an artistic, motivational message. It’s exactly what this blog needs, but now I’m writing about sea lions. So here’s another few hot takes:

– Flamin’ Hot Fun-Yuns > Queso Fun-Yuns
– Video game remakes are pointless
– The aluminum in spray deodorant doesn’t matter
– Sea lions should learn how to play on stick before playing on leverless
– Bugs as food should be less expensive
– Zero sugar A&W tastes identical to the original
– Instead of upgrading that CPU, you should just buy a whole new PC
– Throwing away any change makes you less human
– Your dark themes are making you sleepier and less productive

I also wanted to point out how much better the “hot mustard” sauce at McDonald’s is than their honey mustard sauce, but I think four food-related takes is too fat, even for me. I can say that because my BMI is 27.1, but I have been on a calorie deficit since the beginning of March so I’m running out of time to poke fun at weight. I recommend still eating the things you like, just less of them, and don’t eat out of boredom. Count your calories too. There, that should be artistic and motivational enough.

Thanks for reading.